In my quest to discover the secrets of living a happier life I decided to pursue exercise. I’m an avid reader and I am yet to have ever read anything that has lead me to believe that exercise is bad for me (apart from maybe falling off the treadmill or being chased by a dog). Benefits range from keeping my heart strong, improving my circulation, helping me sleep better, boosting energy, clearing my mind and of course, making me happier. As team sports or anything that I class as ‘organised’ is not my thing, I chose running. I would take myself from my usual brisk walks and social tennis games and start running.

I found a good program to follow, set my alarm for 5.30am, pulled out the trainers and started.

My local gym is surprisingly busy at 6am, mostly with runners, all of whom seemed to be very good at it. I’m actually not someone who is comfortable being a novice in front of people so the idea of popping between two people who were effortlessly running for what seemed like an eternity didn’t help my confidence. But I guess I wasn’t here to impress them, I was here to learn to run, so on I got, headphones in, appropriate running playlist chosen and off I went.

The first day I was able to run for just over two minutes before I was exhausted. By day five, I was up to five minutes with three minutes of walking between runs. It was getting easier – slowly.

Have I found that mystical runner’s zen yet? Absolutely not. I’m running and I’m getting better but am I bounding out of bed, eager to get to the gym and then running into a world where there is only me and my bliss? No I’m not.

However, my goal is to see if running makes me happier and I’m pleased to say that yes it has. I’m very happy when it’s over. I don’t mean that I’m relieved that I’ve finished my designated time or distance, I mean that how I feel when I finish exercising is really unbeatable. It’s a feeling of pure accomplishment. Exercising early in the morning sets the tone for my day. For some reason I’m yet to understand, I’m more organised, my mind is clearer, I want to eat better foods and I’m in a good mood. The days I exercise are good days, happy days.

Maybe I won’t continue with running; I’ll push through and finish my program and then decide. Who knows, runner’s zen may tap me on the shoulder one day and I’ll be signing up for marathons. But if that doesn’t happen, I have at least proven that, for me, some form of on purpose exercise on a daily basis is important.

Ok I know this one is important so will get it done early. Exercise. I have never read anywhere about exercise being bad for you. Our bodies are meant to move and if they do, they respond well. But what about our minds? Will physical movement result in a happier me?

According to a Gallup study, aside from the physical health benefits that can be achieved through exercise, people who exercised even two times per week reported feeling less stressed and happier than those who did not exercise. The levels of happiness increased when the number of exercise days increased.

We have heard many times that exercise decreases the level of cortisol (our stress and feel bad hormones) but increases the level of endorphins (our feel good hormones). I know myself when my kids are a bit ratty and I’m feeling unsettled or agitated, packing us all up for a walk to the park is the perfect remedy. Even a quick 30 minute park play in the fresh air enhances our moods dramatically.

I enjoy exercise (when I’m doing it) and yes I do have a gym membership, but exercise and I have had a rocky relationship. Sometimes we court like lovers, sometimes we are definitely on non-speaking terms. I have never been one to participate in what I call structured exercise. Team sports, swimming squads, running groups have never interested me. Yoga highlights my lack of flexibility and balance and group fitness classes are just not my cup of tea. I love to walk and I do play social tennis once a week, but that’s about it.

So after thinking long and hard about exactly how I would include exercise as part of my happiness project, I have decided to start jogging. Runners talk about the ‘runners zen’. They run and their minds are filled with thoughts and feelings of peace, invincibility and happiness. Sounds good to me, I’ll try it.

I have downloaded an app for my iphone promising that if I follow the rules I will go from the sofa to running 5 kilometres (without stopping). Excellent! I have also created a playlist with motivational  music to help me get and stay on course. All I need to do is put my joggers on and hit the road.

This should be very interesting.

Stay tuned.

Debra xo

My first Happiness Project activity was to go to bed earlier. Shutting down the computer, turning off my iPhone and leaving it in my study, resisting the urge to vegetate in front of mindless television, having an early warm shower and then going to bed read a book before sliding into a peaceful sleep was my goal. The thought of waking up without the assistance of my alarm clock, throwing back the covers and then bounding into the new day, revitalised and enthusiastic was definitely something I felt would kick start my course into happiness.

The reality.

The first few nights I did need to make a conscious effort to go to bed earlier. I enjoy being able to get stuff done in the evenings without interruption. But my aim is to be happier not get stuff done, so I shut down the computer, turned off my phone, ignored the television and went off to shower by 9.30. By 9.45 I was in bed with my book in my hands and immediately I felt happy. I was asleep by 10.15 and then woke up around 6am. Close to eight hours of sleep and I must say, I felt good. Getting out of bed was easier, I was organised and unrushed, my children were greeted with their favourite breakfasts and there was no mad last minute rush out the front door. I actually did feel happier. I realise now that my mood is affected by time. If I’m running late, I can become quite stressed and agitated. And this agitated state could easily set the tone for my day.

But being able to get up easily after a good night’s sleep, I basked in my ability to get beds made, laundry done, hair blow dried and even make-up applied. I felt like a good mum with a clean home and good hair.

By night four I succumbed to watching a favourite show on television which put my bedtime back by one hour. I also needed to get up earlier to get my son to an early morning tennis lesson. I felt the ninety minutes or so less sleep for the entire day. Even though it had only been a few days, I had grown fond of my new earlier to bed routine and was keen to get back to it.

According to the results of one study, a bad night’s sleep was one of the top two factors that upset people’s daily moods (along with tight work deadlines). Another study suggested that getting one extra hour of sleep each night would do more for your daily happiness than getting a $60,000 raise.

I’m not sure about the $60,000 raise as I can’t yet quantify getting more sleep but what I will say is that I have certainly felt some benefit from getting more sleep. I have realised that I am a morning person. Give me a good night’s sleep and I am like an efficient machine – one day I even had dinner into the slow cooker before breakfast!  Plus an extra benefit, I think better. My career is my writing so being able to sit at my computer with the words flowing has been incredibly exciting.

So, am I happier getting more sleep? Why yes, I think I am. Can I sustain it without falling back into old habits? Time will tell.

Tomorrow I start my week two happiness activity – exercise. That should be interesting. See you then.

Debra xo

“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs, ask yourself what makes you come alive.  And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”  ~ Harold Whitman

I have never been someone who has collections. In my mind collections are dust collecting trinkets that people love to spend weekends searching for and then display proudly in their homes. However, walking into my bedroom this morning to search for a book on my bedside table actually made me stop and think that maybe I am actually a collector – a collector of information.

Since I have commenced my journey into understanding happiness, I have become quite obsessed with the subject. I have gone to two libraries to search for books, have trawled my local bookstores and downloading onto my Kindle has become a daily occurrence.  I’m at the point where if I could sit and spend the next month reading 24 hours a day, I might start to make a dent in my happiness ‘collection.’

Starting my own happiness project rather than just reading about happiness has been quite an exciting experience. As I posted earlier I have begun week one by going to bed earlier.  Today is day four in this exercise however I will refrain from commenting on my progress until next week when I begin my second happiness activity.

I met with a friend yesterday which gave me the opportunity to tentatively start to articulate what my happiness journey actually was. Her first reaction was to place a caring hand on my arm and ask “aren’t you happy Deb?” I tried to explain as best as I could that yes, I think I am, but am I really? Am I making the most of my life, am I intentionally living happy?  Gretchen Rubin says, “the days are long, but the years are short.” Her words resonate with me like a clap of thunder. So yes, I am happy. But there are aspects of my life that I am feeling I could do better. I want to be intentional. Because the years are short.

So the next step for me in this process has been to create what I have called my Personal Pillars for Happiness. These are the principles that I will use throughout my happiness project. If I am doubting or questioning, bringing myself back to these pillars, (I hope) will help to bring some clarity. Defining my Personal Pillars for Happiness has been a process in itself but I have cemented them now. It’s time to live them.

My 10 Personal Pillars for Happiness

1. Go back to my source
2. It’s ok to be Debra
3. Saying no isn’t selfish
4. Does it really matter?
5. Smile
6. Do it now
7. React less
8. Everyone is loved
9. Enjoy the journey
10. Leave a legacy

“The best way to get something done is to begin.”  ~Author Unknown

Hello, my name is Debra and I am a self-perfectionist.

Yes I am. I like everything to be just right, perfect if possible but only when it comes to my work.  With regards to the standards I set for others, I am gracious and forgiving. I don’t get uptight if beds are left unmade or the cushions aren’t straightened on the sofa.  My husband’s late night tea cup can sit in the sink until the morning and if it takes a few days for the clean clothes to be folded and put away, that’s ok too.

The standards I set for myself though are entirely different.  I look at home offices featured in House and Garden and think that’s what mine should look like.  I like matching folders and organised systems. I don’t like to start writing in notebooks unless I have just the right pen.  And when I find the ‘right’ pen, I buy them in bulk so I always have just the ‘right’ pen.  I like colour coded, in order and matching. It’s just the way I am.

The need for everything just right was a huge test for me when I started writing my book.  I literally spent hours looking for just the right font!  Would I write in Word, InDesign or Apple Pages? 1.5 line spacing or 2? What size font? The actual set up phase took so long, getting any words on the page seemed like a bit of a pipe dream.

Eventually I did start writing and therein came the next dilemma. Was that sentence correct? Was that the best word? Should I end this paragraph here? Was I making sense?

The number of times I started, deleted, started, deleted, gave up and made a cup of tea demonstrates classic perfection driven procrastination at it’s finest.

But then I had a breakthrough. I was reading the arts section in my weekend newspaper and in particular a feature article on the author James Patterson. His career had been in advertising however in 1996 he resigned to devote his time to writing. In 33 years he has written 71 novels! Yes 71. (I am sure that James doesn’t sit and fret about what font he is going to use). One of his secrets, he writes and writes without edit.  He just writes.  He doesn’t question, ponder or critique.  He simply writes.

So that’s what I decided to do. James Patterson is someone who is a hugely successful author. I was happy to give him expert status to my novice status. Next day, I opened a new page in Word on my computer, saved a document called simply ‘book’ and started typing.  And guess what?  The words flowed. Hours went by, page after page, no questions, not edit, no self criticism.  Pretty soon I had chapter one, then chapter two and then finally draft one of my first completed book.  Was it perfect? Nope, not at all, but I had something now to mould into an actual book and to me that haphazardly created manuscript riddled with incorrect spelling and questionable grammar was a lot better than perfect.  It was my first book.

“Happiness consists in getting enough sleep.  Just that, nothing more.”  ~Robert A. Heinlein

Every week the results of a new study seem to be revealed about the potential risks of not getting enough sleep.  A weakened immune system, impaired memory, slower metabolism, lower productivity and just plain grumpiness are reported as the results of consistently not getting the recommended seven to eight hours sleep each night.

Does this mean though, that if we all slept the recommended hours we would be healthier, thinner and happier? Well, for someone who probably falls a little short of the seven hours, starting with something as simple as going to bed earlier seems like a good place to commence my happiness project.

I have children so yes, I did live through the years of interrupted sleep, often getting through foggy days with endless cups of tea.  I am now, like most mothers, programmed to wake at the first cough however as my children are now older, they can no longer be my excuse for not getting an adequate amount of sleep.

The first step will be for me to decide what time I need to be asleep by.  My alarm goes off at 6am so counting back eight hours will mean I need to be asleep between 10 and 11pm.  Seems easy enough and I am usually in bed by 10.  But being in bed and asleep are obviously two different things.

I am someone who has always loved to read.  Going to bed and reading a few pages of my current book is pure bliss for me.  And I used to do this, go to bed, pick up my book, read a few pages until my eyes started to get heavy and then I would be asleep within a few minutes.

Now with the wealth of information I have at my fingertips, I have gotten into the habit of taking my iphone to bed with me.  I’m a busy person so doing this gives me time to check and reply to emails, check social media, take my turn in my ongoing Words with Friends games, play a bit of solitaire etc etc.  And for some reason my eyes don’t start to droop – I stay quite alert.  I have swapped my peaceful, sleep inducing read for a bombardment of  activity and entertainment. The first thing I need to do is to say an early goodnight to technology.

So now my iphone will be turned off and put away safely for the night in it’s own room – my study.  I will go back to my book, read until my chin starts to hit my chest and aim for that optimum eight hours of sleep.  If this little activity can lead to a stronger immune system, better memory (yes please!), faster metabolism, improved productivity and my ultimate goal, happiness, I’ll be well, very happy.

Getting to sleep earlier is my first happiness project activity. I have created a resolution chart (which you will soon be able to download under my Free Resources tab) to not only help me create a routine but to demonstrate accountability around happiness activities. I’ve always been someone who likes to get all ticks, not enjoying the crosses, so I’m hoping a resolution chart filled with ticks will be my carrot to succeed.

Will getting to sleep earlier make me happier or will it make no difference? I’ll let you know.

Wish me luck….

Debra xo

In 2002 Dr Tal Ben-Shahar first taught a psychology seminar at Harvard to explore what he believed to be the question of questions: how can individuals, communities and society become happier?  Eight students signed up of which two dropped out.  The following year 380 students signed up and the next time the course was offered, 855 students enrolled, making it the largest class at the university with soon after one out of every five students signing up for his course.

I love to read and I love to research so looking for any information I can find on happiness has led me to a place where I feel like the proverbial kid in the candy store.  From psychologists to the dalai lama, from happiness pursuers such as Elizabeth Gilbert with her novel Eat, Pray, Love, to Oprah, I have collected an incredible library of resources and information that I am hungrily working through and in doing so, experiencing some incredibly profound yet simple learnings.

It’s now time for action.

My goal for the next year is to identify and implement simple changes in my life that will (hopefully) lead me to a journey of conscious happiness.

Each week I will define a small area of my life where I will slightly adjust my sails so that the wind of my behaviour leads me into an altered direction.  I truly believe it’s the small things, the simple disciplines that over time, step-by-step can make the most worthwhile and most sustainable changes in life.

I am someone who believes that I have really understood something when I can teach it, so I will also share some of the information I have discovered in my happiness library.  I will resist the urge to dump the truckload with long and detailed blog postings.  I’m not sure about you but succinct, to the point and useful information is what I look for when I’m sitting at my computer, so being clear and to the point will be my promise.

So please come back tomorrow and I will share my activity for week one of My Happiness Project.  See you soon.

Debra xo

My daughter is 12 and has discovered the sisterhood of shopping with friends. She enjoys going to the shops with one or two friends whilst I take some time out with a book at a coffee shop nearby (I’m not at the point of leaving her at the shops without an adult close by).

When she comes home she loves to show me the one or two little treasures she purchased and quite often her little spree includes a pretty silk flower.  She loves them – wears them in her hair, on her clothes, on her belt and around her wrist.

I asked her once why she loved wearing flowers.  Her response was as simple as it was profound.  ”They make me happy mum”.

In a world that seems so harried and fast, where if we don’t have the latest this or that we can’t seem to get by, where homes are filled with stuff and gadgets that often become as obsolete as they were necessary, exactly what is happy?

I don’t think I have the answer but what I do have is the desire to find happy.  I’m calling it My Happiness Project.  Profound I know but to me, simple and happy seem to work together as well as strawberries and chocolate.  So My Happiness Project it is.

Since that little conversation with my baby who is wise well beyond her years, I have searched for anything I can find that will define happiness.  Books, movies, cards, quotes, stories from people who tell me that they’re happy and why.

Goodness! I have learnt so much and I have so much to share.

My quest is to now consciously recognize and share what makes us happy.  I want to find the little things that mean happy to me and to others.  I want to give voice to the little stuff that I think we can take for granted (well I can I’m sure) but if we lost them we would mourn them. I want to share what I have discovered about being happy from others.

I hope you enjoy my journey into happy and that what I share makes you feel……well, happy.

xo

Last year I wrote a book.

It was something I had wanted to do for as long as I can remember and I would daresay my first formal goal. It’s taken me a few years to achieve it, actually over 30 years, but that just means to me that having long term goals is ok. But anyway, fast forward and I can now proudly say that I have written a book.  My first, the first of many.

The process of writing something and then turning it into a product that other people actually read has been an interesting journey for me.

It’s tested my inhibitions, self-doubts, faith in my ability and my courage.  It’s also been an interesting journey with regards to my personal development and my relationships, with some great and some not-so-great results.

But overall, writing a book has given me the taste of what it’s like to pursue my passion.  And I love it.

I’ve been asked a lot about how I decided to write a book, the process I followed and how I actually got from the idea to the finished product stage.  So I’ve decided to write about it.  A Writer’s Journey will be just that – my journey from decision to finished product.

I hope that you enjoy it and if there is a little dream inside of you to write a book, I hope my journey will give you the inspiration to turn your dream into a reality.  And when you do, I’d love to read your book.